Guest: Letter to the Head of The MEF, AC

A guest post from my wife. A letter she wrote to get things off her chest and allow her to concentrate on grieving rather than her mind being filled with the MEF. Editted to remove names.

After your latest email I have felt compelled to clarify a few things as there seems to be a lot of false information flying around here.

Firstly, MS has grossly underplayed his part and overplayed RMP's part in that particular altercation. MS did not just accidentally walk into the room, he came in saying, “It’s about time you showed up”. Bet he hasn’t mentioned that has he? Why would he have said anything if he didn’t think anyone was in the room, let alone say something so purposefully inflammatory? Should we have risen to the bait? Probably not. But emotions were running high, especially as we were just trying to have a quiet moment with my grandmother to say goodbye. There was, as you know, a lot of shouting and MP and RMP repeatedly told MS to leave. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to leave, MP, (yes MP), shut the door on MS and held it shut. RMP did not touch the door at any point.

With regard to NC and KC's (sons of AC) behaviour on Thursday night, while I don’t doubt that they were upset that night; that is never an excuse to terrorise people in their own home. It is certainly not an excuse to push yourself up in someone’s faces and scream, “You killed her!” at the top of your lungs. Or to shout that you are coming to claim your mother’s half of the house. Half of the house does indeed belong to you AC, but it is our home. Everyone has a right to feel safe in their home; we did not feel safe on Thursday night which is why we felt the need to call the police. MP was so shaken and upset by the incident that the police officers thought they might have to call an ambulance for her. They were worried her anxiety was going to cause something more serious. Thankfully, that wasn’t necessary or the whole incident could have been a lot more serious than it was. I hope you have also had a word with your boys about drink driving; they could have done some real damage that evening.

You say that you want the whole family to behave with dignity, and that we should give my grandmother the dignified send off she deserves. That is all we have been trying to do. We want nothing more than for my grandmother to have the send off she deserves, which is why we haven’t turned up drunk at your door at 1 am, or sent you emails filled with accusations. We are not the ones instigating these things. We are trying to grieve and remember my grandmother rather than trying to pin blame on someone. There will be plenty of time for everyone to air their grievances after my grandmother's funeral. Right now we want to concentrate on what is important right now and that is remembering my grandmother. Sadly, we are finding it increasingly difficult to grieve in peace, when we are being continually bombarded with abuse in one form or another.

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by insinuating that taking the dogs away is what killed my grandmother? The dignified, united family funeral you want for her is not going to happen if you continue to tell people that you believe MP and EP killed my grandmother is it? You can’t honestly expect us to be comfortable standing up in church and putting up a united front with people that are saying these things about our family behind our backs. These accusations are only increasing the animosity and atmosphere that already exists between our families. What is the point of finding someone to blame anyway? There can be no winner here. My grandmother is gone, our hearts are broken. Finding someone to blame isn’t going to bring her back and isn’t going to make anyone feel better about her death. We all know for ourselves what we each did for my grandmother in her last few years. Your desperate need to make the my family look bad, to anyone who will listen, so that you can be the good guys speaks volumes to me.

All we ask is that you and your families leave us in peace to grieve. No more accusation filled emails, no more late night visits, no telling bare faced lies to anyone who will listen. We just want to remember the wonderful woman that my grandmother was and try to work through our grief and prepare ourselves for her funeral. It’s not really our behaviour that you need to worry about; if your lot can keep their heads then we will have no trouble keeping ours.

My Grandmother Died

So, one of the reasons for not starting this blog sooner is because my family didn't want my grandmother to be hurt with possible reprocussions. You see, my extended family (the MEF) are vindictive and would do anything to hurt us and the best way they could do that was to hurt my grandmother.

My grandmother died on 30/10/14 at the age of 92. She had vascular dementia and her memory, particularly her short term memory was very deteriorated. She also had breast cancer and heart issues. But to put it into perspective, she recently had a bout of pneumonia, went to hospital and walked out about three days later. She was 91 at the time. You don't hear many stories of 91 year olds getting pneumonia and surviving.

So that sets the scene a little bit. I received the call from my mother at about 10am, my wife and I left work immediately and drove the 55 miles home. When we arrived the MEF were there in force, the police had already been as it was a sudden death and a doctor had been to sign the death certificate. I immediately went to my mother to comfort her and comfort myself. Luckily the MEF decided to excuse themselves from the situation. Well, as far as the next room anyway.

My mother explained to me that she died in her sleep, was found in bed and looked very peaceful. She asked if I wanted to go and see her to say goodbye before the undertakers came. I was apprehensive. The only dead body I'd seen previously was my wife's grandfather and it was sprung on me; no time to think, no time to worry; as we arrived at the funeral home he was at (note to the reader, open casket is the norm in Spain). However, I knew that if I didn't see her, I could have had the regret, in the future, of not seeing her. It wouldn't be "pleasant" to see her, but at least then there wouldn't be be the chance of regrets, right? My wife wanted to say goodbye to her and so that got rid of any of the last doubts I had, I couldn't let her do that on her own.

My mother, my wife and myself went to my grandmother's bedroom. She was "asleep" in her bed, as I'd seen her many times before, tucked up under god knows how many blankets with her eyes half-open. Only this time she wasn't breathing, nor would she ever breathe again. This is the first person from my family that I was close with that has died. A friend from work died earlier this year and that was tough; this was so much harder. As the three of us sat with her we started reminiscing about the good times, particularly her 90th birthday which was just before she started to really go down hill.

One of the MEF, MS, (I'm using abbreviations because they wouldn't be above accusing me of defamation if they found this blog, but everyone who needs to know, knows who this is) decided it would be a good time to come in and started accusing us of causing her death. My mother cut him off short with a firm "we're grieving for my mother, please leave" but he decided that he knew better and was going to continue.

My rage was already beyond boiling at this point and I leapt up and screamed at him to "FUCK OFF". This, I would later find out, counted as me hitting him. He tried to find some more words but just as I had leapt up, so had my mother and she was pushing the probably 25 stone tub of lard out of the door. He resisted and so I gave him the second "FUCK OFF" barrel and assisted my mother in removing him.

This is how the MEF destroyed the last memory of my grandmother in our home. Not only mine, but my wife's and my mother's. We can never get that back. If anyone can tell me what he hoped to achieve by doing this, beyond trying to hurt us, please do let me know.

The Reasons for This Blog

In truth, I don't expect anybody, bar a few of my family to read this. The purpose of this blog is simple: to allow me and any of my family to get out of their system the pain, anger and suffering caused by my extended family.

Whatever is written on this blog is true, these things actually happened. When I think about some of the things that have happened, I realise just how many episodes of Jeremy Kyle this could be.

The timeline is going to flit all over the place. In truth, we have been the subjects of physiological and emotional abuse for many years, especially my parents by my extended family (I use these terms very loosely: 2 aunts and 2 uncles; 4 first cousins; 5 second cousins).

This blog is starting now, because enough is enough. But let me skip directly to the end of this "story": I have no extended family from my mothers mothers' side as far as I am concerned, they can go DIAF. Once catharsis has been reached, this blog will end.